Back to Fellows Balls (ha ha)

Address the ball. 

Feet apart but not too far (aligned with shoulders, more or less)

Don't groove the waggle

Back straight, good posture, butt sticking out a little bit

Deep breath

Strong grip (knuckles visible)

Club face correct

left foot angled out just a smidge

grip the club like you're holding a bird

Deep breath again

visualize shot shape

Backswing inside the plane

Trust your backswing

low and slow

hands, arms, shoulders, hips (in that order)

head down, watch the ball

straight left arm

wrists hinged

left knee bends a little inward but not too much

club parallel to ground at top of backswing

hips, shoulders, arms, hands (in that order)

swing down to the ball, not at the ball

swing through the ball

pronate left wrist slightly at impact

swing hard but not too hard (80%)

swing just outside the backswing plane

power in hip speed

follow through

belt buckle facing target

arms straight only just after impact

elbows toward target

keep head still!!!

don't spring up at impact

Don't reverse pivot

finish with weight on left foot

Finish high

Watch where the ball goes so you don't lose it

Beat club on ground until it breaks

Drive cart into pond

Don't think too much

Yes, golf is a complex game. Lots to think about, then they tell you not to think too much. Seriously, if I went through that whole list every time I'd never make it off the first tee. But if you forget even one of the above swing thoughts, you will forever flounder with a handicap in seven figures. 

Which pretty much describes my game yesterday at the Bellows Falls Country Club. 

It's a wonderful golf course which I like a lot; challenging, uses the natural terrain to create unusual and aesthetically pleasing golf holes, has some totally unique features like the teacup green on two, the deep gully on four which descends to the very bowels of the earth where live dragons and ogres, the quirky sixth and seventh holes with shy greens that you don't see until you get there. Also the $18 fee for nine holes, which is a whole lot cheaper than where I usually play and one of the best golf bargains in the area. 

So I was delighted to make the drive up there on my day off, a beautiful day, blue skies with little poofy clouds scudding around the sky. It was a delight checking in and chatting with the friendly lady at the counter, it was a delight taking a few putts on the tiny practice green before teeing off. But that's about when the delight dipped. I didn't catch the flight of the ball, so it could have gone anywhere, including back to Brattleboro for all I knew. But I was determined to play it right so I didn't take a Mulligan and set out to look for the ball, which I found hiding just into the parallel 9th fairway, and sure enough, behind a tree on the route back to the proper fairway. Man, I hate trees. But it was just a small, unassuming tree, nothing to really fret about except a couple of low-hanging branches. So I chose my low-loft 4 hybrid so I could whack it fast and low under the branches. That was the idea. Of course it didn't work out that way and the ball went a bit higher than I had intended and clipped a branch on its way past. I hope it hurt. Turned out to be a pretty fine shot and I was on the green in three, two neat putts for an opening bogey. 

Two is a long and lovely par 5 with the aforementioned teacup at the end.

Hit a pretty good drive but then had the troubles that would haunt me all day; bad second and third shots. On the range I swat the 6-iron well, I hit the 4-hybrid a mile, I've even tried the 3-wood a couple of times off the deck (it is a "fairway wood" after all,) but when I'm on the course I just can't seem to get those fairway shots going worth a hot damn. Frustrating. They bounce, they kill worms, they go a measly 40 yards, they go anywhere but straight. It's killing my game, because my short game and putting is improved this year and I'm doing better off the tee as well. Well, back to the range I guess, give those irons a serious workout or two and try to collect my swing thoughts (see above) better. 

The third hole is a lovely par three. Put it in the pond on the first shot, but hell, no one saw it, so we called that one a practice shot. Take two was much better and I ended up with a decent 4. 

Fourth is the hole with the dragons. If you look down off the precipice at the tee box you can see the magma of the earth's core bubbling and boiling, with dragons and other monsters of the deep cavorting in the lava. I mis-hit the first shot with my hybrid, then chose a 6-iron for my second try and hit a gorgeous shot right on the green just above the hole. Two decent putts for par. (Sort of. I had already decided that this round was not going to appear on my handicap log; we'll save the good rounds for that, if I ever have any.) 

Five is another hole built into the hilly terrain of this magical course. High tee box looking over a narrow fairway far below. No dragons but if you have a fear of heights you might want to skip this one. I put it neatly and prettily onto the fairway. Problem was, it was the fairway of the next hole, the sixth. Oops. 

Six featured a lovely tee shot with my new 3-wood but some lousy middle shots. Mysteriously, the green kept moving further and further away the closer I got to it. I 'll have to speak to management about that. You can't see the green until you're walking on it. An approach with a wedge was, I thought, a pretty fine shot that would get me a short chip to the green, it turned out I still had a good 70 yards to negotiate, and then three-putted. 

The greens were crazy all day. I've heard of slow greens but these were just silly. It seemed like someone had sprayed adhesive all over the greens; a decently strong putt that should have approached the hole didn't even make it half way. 

The next hole was equally bad. Same as the previous, the green sits atop a rise and you just don't see it, which makes approach shots awfully difficult. I floundered the whole thing, and ended up, after  wedge shot that streaked over and beyone the green, giving up entirely and putting a big X on my scorecard. I never do that! But I remember reading in some book about golf, if you get to the point on a hole that you're not enjoying it any more, just pick up the damn ball and move on. So that's what I did

The penultimate 8th hole is another fine par 3. All the par 3s are dandy here in Bellows Falls. I debated which club to use, and finally went with my 8-iron. I have hardly picked up this club this year, even on the range, and it was so delighted to be chosen that it obliged me with a spectacular shot about eight feet above the hole. "I've got a good look at a birdie here," I thought as I walked onto the green. Which of course gave me the yips and I three-putted. 

Nine is the least interesting hole on the course except for a picturesque stone wall on the left side. Got a bogey. 

So this wasn't one for the ages by any means but it was yet another enjoyable afternoon in Bellows Falls and I really enjoyed an ice cold Pepsi in their new screened-in porch that overlooks the first and second fairways. I'll be back again and maybe, just maybe, will have a better round. 

Hit 'em straight!!!!