Thwack!!!

 Are there many things as satisfying as the sound and feel of a well-struck golf stroke? And the sight of that little white orb whizzing into the distance? If there are I can't think of many. 

The weather has been weird here lately. Some weeks of very mild temperatures in early April, much to the consternation of the maple syrup industry, unfortunately; the yield this year will be smaller than it has been in years, since you have to have a few weeks of mild temps during the day and cold nights, and our nights have not been very cold. Anyway, a bunch of mild, sunny days. Step outside and you could smell golf in the air. The courses opened up gleefully quite early, sending out joyous emails to golfers. Then it snowed. Few things are more discouraging than a mid-April snowstorm. Any little plants you've put out die an awful death (We carefully nurtured a couple of geraniums over the winter which even gave brave little flowers in December, but when we put them outside the sudden cold shocked and awed them and the poor things are all droopy and dejected now. We hope they'll rally.) 

But snow is even more depressing for winter-weary golfers. We lie in bed during the cold winter imagining warmer days, playing the course in our head instead of counting sheep when sleep won't come. We compulsively binge the Golf Channel, even attentively following the lessons with Martin Hall and Blair O'Neill, thinking, "absolutely, I can hit that chip shot," or standing in front of the TV swinging our arms back and forth and thinking about our elbows and getting that belt buckle to face the target after follow-through. We go to Dick's Sporting Goods' website repeatedly and even buy a new fairway wood. We watch clips of Tiger on YouTube. 

Then the weather starts to turn, and the prospects of actually getting out on the course becomes more realistic. We get the cheerful emails from the course. The grass starts to turn green. We drive by the club and the fairways look gorgeous, beckoning us with verdant come-hither looks. And then it frigging snows. What torture! What tribulation and agony! 

But the one and only good thing about snow is that it melts. And melt it did, even though the days continued chilly. The course opened back up, and finally yesterday I got out my brand-new golf shoes and unearthed my favorite golf shirt and drove the the Brattleboro Country Club to hit the range. Oh, what a joyous pleasure. The air smelled glorious, the sun was shining bravely, the grass was green and I could officially say winter was over and golf is back!

Toddled into the pro shop and asked for a bucket of balls. I guess they're still finding their rhythm there, because the lad told me there weren't any balls to be had. He managed to find about 15 and put them gamely into a little green bucket for me, then handed me a shag bag and said "here, you can grab as many as you want." Great. I have to do their work for them. Shag bag, by the way. Funny term that might raise an eyebrow amongst my British readers, for whom "shag" has a different meaning than to pick up stray balls on the range. 

Whilst still in the pro shop I decided to take the plunge and do what I'd been considering for a while, buy a season range pass. Paid a pretty little penny for it, about $200. Well, exactly $200. (I wrote "about" thinking it might sound like less money, but it didn't.) Mr. MasterCard paid for it, actually, which was quite generous of him, so by the time I pay it off it will cost me about $1500, probably, which coincidentally is the cost of membership at the Club, but no matter. So all season now I'll be able to stroll in and demand a bucket of balls, pronto, lad, step quick there! I figure I'll have to go about three times a month to make it pay for itself, which is good, it will force me to practice. My plan is to go to the golf course three times a week. Once to the range, once just putting and short-game practice, and once to play a round. By Jove, if I can do that I may be somewhat of a less bad-golfer by the time fall rolls around. 

I'm going to open a GHIN account and register myself to get a handicap this year. Mike, the jolly pro at BCC, says I should be able to get a respectable handicap if I work hard. If I can finish the season with a handicap hovering around 20 or less I'll be elated. Or I could be like trump and just tell everyone my handicap is 3. (I keep thinking about buying the book "Commander in Cheat: How Golf explains Trump, but I probably won't; I've read about trump enough for 10 lifetimes. The author says he cheats "like a mafia accountant." " He kicks the ball so much that caddies call him Pelé [a reference to the famous Brazilian soccer player]. He throws it out of bunkers, he retakes shots, he throws other people’s balls into the water." As someone who has been known to kick a ball out of a bad lie once or twice, or retake shots, I hereby pledge total honesty this years in pursuit of my handicap. Well, everyone takes a mulligan occasionally, right?) 

Anyway, I had a good time at the range yesterday. Took my new 3-"wood" for a test drive and I pronounce it wonderful. Gave the ball a couple of really good rides that even went straight-ish. I have noticed that balls tend to go straighter for me at the range than they do on the course. An odd phenomenon. I think it's a question of concentration, confidence and the yips. On the range you're focussed, you're not distracted by the lie of the ball or that tricky dog-leg, you're just executing, trying above all to repeat your stroke and fine-tune your swing. The secret is to carry that focus onto the course, where you're trying too hard to do well, you're upset at yourself from that bad par-3, you let that confidence dip.

 I worked especially on my 6- and 7-irons. I read somewhere that a bad-golfer like me should just ignore any club below a 6-iron, so I'm going to give my 5 a rest for a while until I can be more confident with it. Some course management article I read said you should try to play a round with just your driver (or fairway wood in my case), a 7-iron, a wedge and a putter. That would make for a light golf bag for sure, but there's logic to it. Hit it good off the tee, then go for shorter, but straight shots to the green rather than trying for super long approaches that stray off the fairway or end up too close to the green so you're having to futz around with a half-swing with a risky wedge to get it on from 20 yards. Tee-shot of 180 or so plus two seven-iron shots of 140 yards each should get you onto the green for a bogie on a par four, or leave you with a full swing with the wedge to green on a par 5. And bogie golf gets you an 18 handicap. 

So, we're off! With my session at the range my season has officially started. I plan to practice again on Monday (day off from work) and then bug my buddy Alan to play a round with me on Tuesday. He'll have to play hooky from work, but hey, it's golf! Alan is a long-term guest here at the hotel and we haven't played together yet. He's reportedly very good, so maybe I can pick up a tip or two, for which I will most definitely buy him a GHIN-and-tonic.